Las Vegas Churches

A little known fact:

Las Vegas Churches

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.


NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.

THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.

THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU ?
GOTCHA!

ICE (In Case of Emergency)

Isn't it true that we all carry our mobile phones with hundreds of names/numbers stored in its memory but yet nobody, other than ourselves, know which of these numbers belong to our near and dear ones?

Let us for a moment create a scenario wherein (God forbid):

We are involved in an accident or had a heart attack and the people attending us get hold of our mobile phone but don't know which number to call to inform our family members.

Yes, there are hundreds of numbers stored but which one is the contact person in case of an emergency?

For this reason, we must have one or more telephone numbers stored under the name ICE (In case of Emergency) in our mobile phones.

Read below for more details......

Recently, the concept of "ICE" is catching up quickly. It is simple, an important method of contact during emergency situations.

As cell phones are carried by majority of the population, all you need to do is store the number of a contact person or person who should be contacted at during emergency as "ICE" (meaning In Case of Emergency).

The idea was thought up by a paramedic who found that when they went to the scenes of accidents, there were always mobile phones with patients, but they didn't know which number to call.

He therefore thought that it would be a good idea if there was a nationally recognized name for this purpose.

Following a disaster in London , the East Anglican Ambulance Service has launched a national "In case of Emergency (ICE)" campaign.

In an emergency situation, Emergency Service personnel and hospital staff would then be able to quickly contact your next of kin, by simply dialing the number stored as "ICE".

Please forward this. It won't take too many "forwards" before every body will know about this.

It really could save your life, or put a loved one's mind at rest.

For more than one contact name simply enter ICE1, ICE2 and ICE3 etc.

A great idea that will make a difference!

Let's spread the concept of ICE by storing an ICE number in our mobile phones today!

**************************************************

Here's further info:

http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/icephone.asp

The Wounded Soldier

SMA Jack Tilley described a visit a few years ago to our wounded soldiers at Walter Reed Medical Center in Washington that he will never forget.

The Special Forces soldier had lost his right hand and had suffered severe wounds of his face and side of his body. As SMA Tilley described, how do you honor such a soldier, showing respect without offending?

What can you say or do in such a situation that will encourage and uplift? How do you shake the right hand of a soldier who just lost his?

Finally he told how he acted as though the man had a hand, taking his wrist as though it were his hand and speaking encouragement to him.

But he said there was another man in that group of visitors who had even brought his wife with him to visit the wounded who knew exactly what to do. This man reverently took this soldier's stump of a hand in both of his hands, bowed at the bedside and prayed for him. When he stood from praying he bent over and kissed the man on the head and told him he loved him.

What a powerful expression of love for one of our wounded heroes! And what a beautiful Christ-like example! What kind of man would kneel in such humility and submission to the Living God of the Bible?

It was George W. Bush, President of the United States and Commander in Chief of our Armed forces, a true leader.  Where's that kind of love, compassion and respect today?

Ephesians 2:8-9 - "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast."

In this photo, President and Mrs. Bush meet with Staff Sgt. Michael McNaughton at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington, D.C.

The Bell

Once again ... via email:

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each looks like every other horse.

But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind.

His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him.

This alone is amazing.

If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell.

Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field.

Attached to her halter is a small bell.

It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives.

Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.

Good friends are like this ..........

You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.


Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

"Be kinder than necessary,

for everyone you meet is

      fighting some kind of battle". 

The Tomato Company

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you into the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day."

Taken aback, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address.

To this the manager replies, "You must understand that to a company like ours you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb. crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly.

Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed over one million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail.

When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!"

"Ha!" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.35 an hour."

Which brings us to the moral of the story:
Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I RECEIVED IT TOO.

It's Time for America to Speak Up

This came around a few months ago:

I’m sorry, but after hearing they want

to sing OUR National Anthem in Spanish - enough is enough!

Nowhere did they sing it in Italian,

Japanese, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German, Portuguese, Greek, French, or any other language because of immigration.

It was
written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it

was written. The news broadcasts even

gave the translation - not even close.

Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is

MY COUNTRY

IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY,

SPEAK UP!

I am not against immigration -

just come through like everyone else.

Get a sponsor;

have a place to lay your head;

have a job;

pay your taxes;

live by the rules;

and

LEARN THE LANGUAGE

as all other immigrants have in the past

and

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

PART OF THE PROBLEM

Think about this:

If you don't want to forward this

for fear of offending someone,

YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM!

Will we still be the Country of choice

and still be America if we continue

to make the changes forced on us by

people from other countries who came

to live in America because it is the

Country of Choice?

Think about it!

All we have to say is, when will

Someone do something about

MY RIGHTS?

We've gone so far the other way,

bent over backwards to not

offend anyone, that I am now

being offended.

But it seems no one has a problem

with that.

It is Time for

America to Speak up

North / South

The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . .

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men
in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they
live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
store....do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck
or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced
dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the
way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just
have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mamas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your
life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.

Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.!

He said, "Please excuse me too;

I wasn't watching for you."

We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.

"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,

God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger,

common courtesy you use, but the

family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,

You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,

you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."

By this time, I felt very small,

And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;

"Wake up, little one, wake up! ," I said.

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"

He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.

I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."

I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;

I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.

I love you anyway."

I said, "Son, I love you too,

and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

F A M I L Y

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company

that we are working for could easily replace us

in a matter of days.

But the family we left behind will feel the loss

for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more

into work than into our own family,

an unwise investment indeed,

don't you think?

So what is behind the story?

Do you know what

the word F A M I L Y

means?

FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OV E (Y)OU

Idiot of the Year

These actually happened!!!!

Number One Idiot of the year

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Two Idiot of the year

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Three Idiot of the year

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway

.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Four Idiot of the year

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Smartie. But you still get a sign.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Number Five Idiot of the year

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Six of the year

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Idiot Number Seven of the year

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of plexi-glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, here's your sign.


(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote.)
SCARY, isn't it!!!!!!!!!!!

Wet Pants

I've received this several times by e-mail:

Come with me to a third grade classroom..... There is a nine-year-old kid sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they'll never speak to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her eyes that says he has been discovered.

As the teacher is walking toward him, a classmate named Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym shorts to put on while his pants dry out. All the other children are on their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been his has been transferred to someone else - Susie. She tries to help, but they tell her to get out. You've done enough, you klutz!"

Finally, at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

May God help us see the opportunities that are always around us to do good.

Remember.....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

Each and everyone one of us is going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.

My instructions were to pick four (4) people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. If you feel moved to, please pass this to at least four (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me.

This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.

The prayer:

Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives
and those that I care deeply for,
who are reading this right now.
Show them a new revelation of Your love and power.
Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment.
Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace.
Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs.
Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings.
Amen.
(If the Lord lays upon your heart to send this to more than four "4" people, you are truly blessed).

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.

Isn't It Funny?

Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell?

Isn't it funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says?

Isn't it funny how everyone wants to go to heaven, provided they do not have to believe, think, say or do anything the Bible says. Or is it scary?

Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God)?

Isn’t it funny how people will sit through extra innings or overtime at a ball game and feel like they’re getting their money’s worth – but if the preacher goes fifteen minutes past noon, they’ll gripe about it for weeks? (Based on their giving, maybe they’re getting their money’s worth.)

Isn't it funny how people can send a thousand jokes through e-mail - and they spread like wildfire - but, when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing?

Isn't it funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace?

Isn't it funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week.

Are you laughing yet?

Isn't it funny how, when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it?

Isn't it funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us?

Will YOU pass this on? I did.

From the Desk of GOD

--Author Unknown
Effective Immediately:

Please be aware that there are changes you need to make in your life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill my promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. I know, I already gave you the 10 Commandments. Keep them. But follow these guidelines as well...

1. QUIT WORRYING

Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST

Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to me. And, although my to-do-list is long, I am, after all, God. I can take care of anything you put into my hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME

Once you've given your burdens to me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on my list. Problem with finances? Put it on my list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For my sake, put it on my list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE

Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with me and forget about them. Just let me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME

I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please don't forget to talk to me - OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want you to include me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH

I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in me that I know what I'm doing. Trust me, you wouldn't want the view from my eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE

You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT

I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes me a little longer than you expect to handle something on my to-do-list? Trust in my timing, for my timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND

Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for my sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF

As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only - to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes my heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget that!

With all my heart,

I love you,

GOD

Great News of a New Direction, by Democrats!

Here's an email that was circulating back before the '08 & '12 elections - before President Obama. Tell me, How are things looking now?

A New direction means what?

The Democrats new promise "A New Direction For America"
The stock market is at a new all-time high and America's 401K's are back. A new direction from there means, what?

Unemployment is at 25 year lows. A new direction from there means, what?

Oil prices are plummeting. A new direction from there means, what?

Taxes are at 20 year lows. A new direction from there means, what?

Federal tax revenues are at all-time highs. A new direction from there means, what?

The Federal deficit is down almost 50%, just as predicted over last year. A new direction from there means, what?

Home valuations are up 200% over the past 3.5 years. A new direction from there means, what?

Inflation is in check, hovering at 20 year lows. A new direction from there means, what?

Not a single terrorist attack on US soil since 9/11/01. A new direction from there means, what?

Osama bin Laden is living under a rock in a dark cave, having not surfaced in years, if he's alive at all, while 95% of Al Queda's top dogs are either dead or in custody, cooperating with US Intel. A new direction from there means, what?

Several major terrorist attacks already thwarted by US and British Intel, including the recent planned attack involving 10 Jumbo Jets being exploded in mid-air over major US cities in order to celebrate the anniversary of the 9/11/01 attacks. A new direction from there means, what?

Just as President Bush foretold us on a number of occasions, Iraq was to be made "ground zero" for the war on terrorism -- and just as President Bush said they would, terrorist cells from all over the region are arriving from the shadows of their hiding places and flooding into Iraq in order to get their faces blown off by US Marines rather than boarding planes and heading to the United States to wage war on us here. A new direction from there means, what?

Now let me see, do I have this right? I can expect: The economy to go South, Illegals to go North, Taxes to go Up, Employment to go Down, Terrorism to come In, Tax breaks to go Out, Social Security to go Away, Health Care to go the same way gas prices have gone! But what the heck!

I can gain comfort by knowing that Nancy P, Hillary C, John K, Edward K, Howard D, Harry R and Obama have worked hard to create a comprehensive National Security Plan, Health Care Plan, Immigration Reform Plan, Gay Rights Plan, Same Sex Marriage Plan, Abortion On Demand Plan, Tolerance of Everyone and Everything Plan, How to Return all Troops to the U. S. in The Next Six Months Plan, A Get Tough Plan, adapted from the French Plan by the same name and a “How Everyone Can Become as Wealthy as We Are Plan.”

I forgot the No More Katrina Storm Plan.

Now I know why I feel good after the elections. I am going to be able to sleep so much better at nights knowing these dedicated politicians are thinking of me and my welfare.

Please pass this good news along to all of your friends so they can feel better also.

Therapy

Counseling after 15 years of marriage

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade
listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been
married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of
un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the
therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to
stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.

The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The
therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop
her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.

Amazing Equation

Here’s another e-mail I’ve received often:

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:
What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 =100%

AND, look how far the love of God will take you.

L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

Please send this to your friends and pray for him/her who sent to you.
You will be blessed.

Some Religious Funnies

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carrying the casket accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end the pallbearers are again carrying the casket out. As they are walking, the husband calls out, "Watch out for the wall!"

***************

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river!" The congregation nodded their approval. With even greater emphasis he added, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river, too!" The people clapped and were saying "Amen." And then finally, he concluded, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river!" As he sat down, the song leader then stood up quite cautiously and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

***************

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calles it a poem, and they give him $25." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $200." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight men to collect all the money!"

***************

An old dollar bill and an even older $20 bill arrive at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. "I've had a pretty good life," the $20 bill says. "I've been to Vegas, the finest restaurants in New York, and even on a Caribbean cruise." "You did have an exciting life!" the dollar says. "Where have you been?" the $20 bill asks. "Oh, I've been to the Methodist church, the Baptist church, spent some time with the Lutherans..." "Wait," the $20 bill interrupts. "What's a church?"


From www.swapmeetdave.com

Wanted for Attempted Murder

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline)

This one’s been circulating for a while now . . .

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.

He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde and a Democrat, but I’m sure that’s irrelevant.

Another Blonde Joke

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.

My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my coworker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, "And where do you think you're going?" he asked.

(are you ready for this?)






(are you sure?!)





She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark.

Big E-Mail Mistake

This one's at least 10 years old:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile...somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Date: Thursday, October 13
Subject: I have arrived!

Dearest Love:
I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

PS: Sure is hot down here!

Your Job is Safe As Long As These Guys Are Out There

Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

And at a local Burger King, after I ordered a Whopper, fries, large drink and a dessert, the teenaged cashier said with a stone face, “That’s $1.56.” “Are you sure that’s correct?” I responded, “That seems too low.” To which the teenager replied, “Yes, that’s what the cash register says.” “That is too low,” I argued. At this the cashier got his manager to come over, and I explained what my order was and how much I was asked to pay. The manager simply replied, “The cash register says $1.56, so that’s how much you owe.” I paid my $1.56 and moved on.

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left.

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number.

I recently saw a distraught lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this door remote. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" and she handed the car keys to me. "Hmmm, I dunno." I said, as I took the key and manually unlocked the door for her. "Why don't you drive over there and see? It's a long walk."  And she did!

Several years ago, we had a temporary who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the woman took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

The same temp as above was once given a stack of outgoing letters and other mail by the boss and asked to send it out.  She proceeded to type up an address label for the first letter on the stack.  She then affixed the label to a large envelope and put all the mail into it.  She sealed it up and mailed all the outgoing mail to the address of the top letter.  They were surprised to receive all of our daily mail, only one letter of which was theirs.

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."

Cowboy Wisdom

-- Author Unknown

Don't name a pig you plan to eat.

Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

Meanness don't happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Don't sell your mule to buy a plough.

Don't corner something meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You can't unsay a cruel thing.

Every path has some puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Don't judge people by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

It's better to be a has-been than a never-was.

The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

Only cows know why they stampede.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'till they get thumped.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

God Bless America

by Andy Rooney

DID YOU KNOW?

As you walk up the steps to the building which houses the US Supreme Court you can see near the top of the building a row of the world's law givers and each one is facing one in the middle who is facing forward with a full frontal view ... it is Moses and he is holding the Ten Commandments!

DID YOU KNOW?

As you enter the Supreme Court courtroom, the two huge oak doors have the Ten Commandments engraved on each lower portion of each door.

DID YOU KNOW?

As you sit inside the courtroom, you can see the wall, right above where the Supreme Court judges sit, a display of the Ten Commandments!

DID YOU KNOW?

There are Bible verses etched in stone all over the Federal Buildings and Monuments in Washington, DC

DID YOU KNOW?

James Madison, the fourth president, known as "The Father of Our Constitution" made the following statement:
"We have staked the whole of all our political institutions upon the capacity of mankind for self-government, upon the capacity of each and all of us to govern ourselves, to control ourselves, to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God."

DID YOU KNOW?

Patrick Henry, that patriot and Founding Father of our country said:

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded not by religionists but by Christians, not on religions but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ."

DID YOU KNOW?

Every session of Congress begins with a prayer by a paid preacher, whose salary has been paid by the taxpayer since 1777.

DID YOU KNOW?

Fifty-two of the 55 founders of the Constitution were members of the established orthodox churches in the colonies.

DID YOU KNOW?

Thomas Jefferson worried that the Courts would overstep their authority and instead of interpreting the law would begin making law. An oligarchy . The rule of few over many.

DID YOU KNOW?

The very first Supreme Court Justice, John Jay, said:

"Americans should select and prefer Christians as their rulers."

How, then, have we gotten to the point that everything we have done for 220 years in this country is now suddenly wrong and unconstitutional? Lets put it around the world and let the world see and remember what this great country was built on.

Chamber, US House of Representatives

I was asked to send this on if I agreed
~ Or delete if I didn't. ~ Now it is your turn... It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore, it is very hard to understand why there is such a mess about having the Ten Commandments on display or "In God We Trust" on our money and having God in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the other 14% to Sit Down and SHUT UP!!!

Famous Quotes

"THE PRESIDENT HAS KEPT ALL OF THE PROMISES HE INTENDED TO KEEP."
- Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live

"THE POLICE ARE NOT HERE TO CREATE DISORDER, THEY'RE HERE TO PRESERVE DISORDER"
- Former Chicago mayor Daley during the infamous 1968 convention

"BECAUSE IT'S NOT THEIR MONEY"
- Bill Clinton, when asked why local school districts couldn't decide how to spend federal education dollars

"IT IS WONDERFUL TO BE HERE IN THE GREAT STATE OF CHICAGO"
- Former U.S.. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"THE STREETS ARE SAFE IN PHILADELPHIA, IT'S ONLY THE PEOPLE THAT MAKE THEM UNSAFE"
- Former Philadelphia Mayor and Police Chief Frank Rizzo

"DURING MY SERVICE IN THE UNITED STATES CONGRESS, I TOOK THE INITIATIVE IN CREATING THE INTERNET"
- Former U.S. Vice-President Al Gore

"THE INTERNET IS A GREAT WAY TO GET ON THE NET"
- Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole

"HE WAS A MAN OF GREAT STATUE"
- Boston mayor Thomas Menino on former mayor John Collins

"IT'S LIKE AN ALCATRAZ AROUND MY NECK"
- Boston mayor Menino on the shortage of city parking spaces

"I WAS RECENTLY ON A TOUR OF LATIN AMERICA, AND THE ONLY REGRET I HAVE WAS THAT I DIDN'T STUDY LATIN HARDER IN SCHOOL SO I COULD CONVERSE WITH THOSE PEOPLE"
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

"HOW COULD THIS [Y2K] BE A PROBLEM IN A COUNTRY WHERE WE HAVE INTEL AND MICROSOFT?"
- Former U.S. Vice-President Al Gore

"THEY'RE MULTIPURPOSE. NOT ONLY DO THEY PUT THE CLIPS ON, BUT THEY TAKE THEM OFF."
- Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged The Air Force nearly $1,000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

"THAT DEPENDS ON HOW YOU DEFINE 'ALONE' . . . THERE WERE A LOT OF TIMES WHEN WE WE ALONE, BUT I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT WE WERE."
- Bill Clinton, from his grand jury testimony

"IT'S LIKE DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN."
- Yogi Berra

"CHINA IS A BIG COUNTRY, INHABITED BY MANY CHINESE"
- Former French President Charles De Gaulle

"THE LOSS OF LIFE WILL BE IRREPLACEABLE."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the San Francisco
earthquake

"IT IS NECESSARY FOR ME TO ESTABLISH A WINNER IMAGE. THEREFORE, I HAVE TO BEAT SOMEBODY."
- Richard M. Nixon

"THE GOVERNMENT IS NOT DOING ENOUGH ABOUT CLEANING UP THE ENVIRONMENT. THIS IS A GOOD PLANET."
- Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a
million dollars.

"WHEN I HAVE BEEN ASKED DURING THESE LAST WEEKS WHO CAUSED THE RIOTS AND THE KILLING IN L.A., MY ANSWER HAS BEEN DIRECT AND SIMPLE: WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THE RIOTS? THE RIOTERS ARE TO BLAME. WHO IS TO BLAME FOR THE KILLINGS? THE KILLERS ARE TO BLAME."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots

"THINGS ARE MORE LIKE THEY ARE NOW THAN THEY EVER WERE BEFORE."
- Former U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower

"IT DEPENDS ON WHAT THE MEANING OF 'IS' IS."
- Bill Clinton, from his grand jury testimony

"A BILLION HERE, A BILLION THERE, SOONER OR LATER IT ADDS UP TO REAL MONEY."
- Senator Everett Dirksen

"A VERBAL CONTRACT ISN'T WORTH THE PAPER IT'S WRITTEN ON."
- Samuel Goldwyn

"REPUBLICANS UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF BONDAGE BETWEEN A MOTHER AND CHILD."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on Republican family values

"I DON'T FEEL WE DID WRONG IN TAKING THIS GREAT COUNTRY AWAY FROM THEM. THERE WERE GREAT NUMBERS OF PEOPLE WHO NEEDED NEW LAND, AND THE INDIANS WERE SELFISHLY TRYING TO KEEP IT FOR THEMSELVES."
- John Wayne

"YOU KNOW THE ONE THING THAT'S WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY? EVERYONE GETS A CHANCE TO HAVE THEIR FAIR SAY."
- Bill Clinton

"WITHOUT CENSORSHIP, THINGS CAN GET TERRIBLY CONFUSED IN THE PUBLIC MIND."
- General William Westmoreland

"WHAT A WASTE IT IS TO LOSE ONE'S MIND. OR NOT TO HAVE A MIND IS BEING VERY WASTEFUL. HOW TRUE THAT IS."
- Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for The United Negro College Fund. He was attempting to quote the line "a mind is a terrible thing to waste".

"IF YOU LET THAT SORT OF THING GO ON, YOUR BREAD AND BUTTER WILL BE CUT RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER YOUR FEET."
- Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

"THE ROAD TO TYRANNY, WE MUST REMEMBER, BEGINS WITH THE DESTRUCTION OF THE TRUTH."
- Bill Clinton, paragon of truth

"ANY MAN WHO CAN DRIVE SAFELY WHILE KISSING A PRETTY GIRL IS SIMPLY NOT GIVING THE KISS THE ATTENTION IT DESERVES."
- Albert Einstein

"HAWAII IS A UNIQUE STATE. IT IS A SMALL STATE. IT IS A STATE THAT IS BY ITSELF. IT IS DIFFERENT FROM THE OTHER 49 STATES. WELL, ALL STATES ARE DIFFERENT, BUT IT'S GOT A PARTICULARLY UNIQUE SITUATION."
- Dan Quayle, VP [they made him swim home after that one]

"WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE ERROR IN LAST WEEK'S PAPER IN WHICH WE STATED THAT MR. ARNOLD DOGBODY WAS A DEFECTIVE IN THE POLICE FORCE. WE MEANT, OF COURSE, THAT MR. DOGBODY IS A DETECTIVE IN THE POLICE FARCE."
- Correction Notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper

"A LOT OF WONDERFUL PEOPLE LOVE THEIR COUNTRY AND HATE THE MILITARY."
- Bill Clinton, in a 1969 letter to the National Guard

Another Round of Church Bulletin Bloopers

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit

Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Please join us as we show our suport for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor's sermons.

The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals."

Missionary from Africa, Bertha Belch, speaking at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."

Volunteers are needed to spit up food for distribution following the Restaurant Supply Show at the Expo Center.

If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check, and drip in the collection basket.

Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

Congratulations to Tim and Rhonda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17.

There is a sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be baptized on the table in the foyer.

Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight.

Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear II. Disown your fear III. Displace your rear.

Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth, peach to men.

The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working.

Don't forget that elections for Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess will be held at next month's business meeting.

North Dakota News

This text is from a county emergency manager out in the Western part of North Dakota State after a winter snow storm.

WEATHER BULLETIN

Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a Historic event--- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands.

FYI:

George Bush did not come.

FEMA did nothing.

No one howled for the government.

No one blamed the government.

No one even uttered an expletive on TV.

Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit.

Our Mayor's did not blame Bush or anyone else.

Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else either

CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snow storm nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.

No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House.

No one looted.

Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something.

Nobody expected the government to do anything either.

No Larry King, No Katie Couric, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera.

No Sean Penn, No Barbara Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found.

And

Nope, we just melted the snow for water.

Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars.

The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny.

Local restaurants made food, and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snow bound families.

Families took in the stranded people - total strangers.

We Fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns.

We put on an extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die".

We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.
"In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate."

It does seem that way, at least to me.

I hope this gets passed on..

Maybe . SOME people will get the message . The world does Not owe you a living.