Some Religious Funnies

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carrying the casket accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end the pallbearers are again carrying the casket out. As they are walking, the husband calls out, "Watch out for the wall!"

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A preacher was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river!" The congregation nodded their approval. With even greater emphasis he added, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river, too!" The people clapped and were saying "Amen." And then finally, he concluded, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river!" As he sat down, the song leader then stood up quite cautiously and announced, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: "Shall We Gather at the River."

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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calles it a poem, and they give him $25." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $200." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight men to collect all the money!"

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An old dollar bill and an even older $20 bill arrive at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. "I've had a pretty good life," the $20 bill says. "I've been to Vegas, the finest restaurants in New York, and even on a Caribbean cruise." "You did have an exciting life!" the dollar says. "Where have you been?" the $20 bill asks. "Oh, I've been to the Methodist church, the Baptist church, spent some time with the Lutherans..." "Wait," the $20 bill interrupts. "What's a church?"


From www.swapmeetdave.com